Indeed, instead of contributing her opinion on the issues she said my baby father is outside to pick my up. Show him that you mean what you say and say what you mean. Now, after some counseling, we are trying to rebuild our marriage, BUT, I have EXTREME ANXIETY. We both still keep in contact with each other and talk daily still. Ive waited our whole marriage for him to get to this point but hes waited until I have completely checked out emotionally. That goes for both parties. I love him deeply and genuinely and I know I am partly at fault for him feeling this way (like his needs dont matter, like he never did enough, like I cant accomplish the tasks he sees as so important, etc), but I dont know how to try and start the process of fixing it. Because I finally sm telling the truth about the wolf snd now there was nobody to believe me. The problem is that Ive been so hurt so manyttimes that now Im discouraged of trying one more time. I guess he got tired of having to reassure me he was where he wanted to be and that I was who he wanted because without me realizing it I have pushed him away. He still doesnt see him doing anything wrong by spending all his time with his female friend. I graduated from North Carolina High School ( a public school ) and received my commission, I later joined the United States Army Academy because I could not go afford the University at that time so the US Government took care of my tuition. She is at her mums at the moment and said we need space and will come back Tuesday to talk but the impression I get is that it is to sort out the practicalities of next steps not to work things through. I know not interested in him anymore. But nothing more. I dont want to ruin a good thing but I also dont want to be unfair. Im lost and confused. How do I fix this? They pick partners with flaws about which they can complain, but which allow. I was just like you say you are my gr8 off 3yrs and didnt even notice I was doin that. 7 years i found myself heartbroken with 3 kids. She doesnt want someone who blows up or who is anxious or who isnt comfortable with who they are. Whether you hate someone who hurt you or does things that bother you, it can be tough to let go of your feelings. The best relationships are made with two people who are secure within themselves. The whole idea of being open has been closed completely after this. We have two girls ages 5 & 9. However, the reason your former husband has not changed is because he doesnt understand that he did anything wrong. Instead she disrespects me further and deeper and not being reasonable for a second. she ended up leaving and went back home. I did something pretty messed up, I made a fake facebook account and sent him a request to see if he would accept it. And am trying to get him to seek help. We both love each other very much but she has told me that she has been holding back her feelings to spare me and now she feels that she has neglected to take care if her own feelings. Im limited in what I can do sometimes, due to medical problems, and my husband has been amazingly supportive and no pressure about it. It got to the point to where when hed yell my anxiety would spike and i would get so nervous I couldnt speak. It was then I realized how much she loves me and it dawn on me how bad I had messed up. Several months ago I started falling out of love with him. I was stunned and heart broken. I know Im going to have to take the initiative and hopefully hell see how hard Im trying and follow suit. I think Ive been showing them that Ive changed, but I think he believes Im only acting like this because were not in a relationship. If I can brave the shame of having the scarlet letter stamped on my head for all to see now. After a few days, he said he wanted to work on the marriage and that our child and me is important to him. He than confessed to have very strong feelings for the band singer. We were both very much in love. He ended up hooking up with another girl twice. Their messages are private. It is the basis of love and loyalty. I hope that at some pointment she will want to come with me to these so that we can work on things together. I did a lot of research and listening to my husband and he continually spoke out every thought to me on why he wasnt attracted to me anymore and how I would react if he cheated or he left. We fell in love very quickly, but five months in I got drunk and treated him badly. If I left would it be unfair to my daughter? This took my self esteem to the ground always thinking something was wrong with me. Several hours had passed since we had made the plans and had not heard from him so i sent him a text. I have been with my bf for almost 2 years. I am getting in touch because I feel helpless and require some input. I nagged at her all the time, I have no clue why? A few months after the incident we resumed our relationship. Thank you for reading all this, Hi, my ex and I dated for 2months, she was madly A complicated story. You must remind these things to yourself every day because you have no reason to be desperate. My boyfriend got back at me and when he went to Peru he cheated on me as well. I took all his time and his energy and gave nothing in return. He says that im the one for him. People tell me its a front that she puts up. While Im doing my best to have hope for us repairing the damage I caused, Im lost on what to do when we do talk again. Shes open to becoming friends eventually and she even said she would probably need at the very least a year to even consider getting back together, but thats ok. i have yelled at her for years, did not listen to her for years she pleaded with me to talk to her about my feelings and I didnt i just showed angry. All I want is for her to miss me and for her to swallow her pride and at least talk to me. My husband and I have been married for 12 years and we have four children ages 8 and under. . Soon, my wifes traumatic childhood experiences really start coming to the surface and depression worsens, she starts seeing a therapist and taking medication. I always tell my boyfriend when Im going out with this friend of mine and he has been always fine with it. You can do it - you are already doing amazingly well. He hated the arguements and most of all he felt I had betrayed his trust. Our marriage of 39 years has had good times, but I have constantly felt my husbands disconnection in both emotional & sexual intimacy. He was sorry, couldnt imagine life without me, blah blah. Anyway, my real question is this. I just wonder if im being honest with myself and her about where i am emotionally. When it started. Do not let your emotions get the best of you and try to force your significant other to feel as certain way. My Husband and I have been together for 12 years and married for 9. I surprised him at his house and I found him in the living room talking to another girl. This is confusing to me because we havent actually broken up and he still shows me some affection on occasion, we still get intimate, and I even get that glimpse of love in his eyes I used to see all the time, but only for a moment. What does that mean? Or if you dont love them anymore idk what to do i REALLY NEED HELP someone please answers these questions for me bid really appreciate it and whats going in my chest, hello, After years of arguments and not being heard, belittled, berated, and just made to feel worthless by my husband I packed the kids up and moved across the country and filed for divorce. She is now talking separation and I think it is a really bad idea. He also told me I didnt respect him,appreciate him, and I treated him like a child. she said mayb I wasnt the right guy Mixed messages!! He had a rough upbringing and there was no solid male figure in his life to teach him how to really love. She thinks renewing our relationship would be impossible. Before that, I had told her my ex contacted me and I was transparent about the details of our conversation. Well, heres an update again. I would tell him Im just a piece of meat to you,you dont love me. Please help. I will never use again. We have taken some counseling and have tried everything. The next day he decided that he needed to stop drinking for the time being, because its not only hurting the situation, but its setting us back in the process We also decided that instead of spending a few weeks completely apart, wed compromise and make definite changes to our every day life Not spending free time together, not talking throughout the day while were at work, etc. Everyone is so shocked, by his actions. Meanwhile we had appointment to fix things and shopping on Friday last week. I didnt really know what to say at the time but said we can seek out help and offered the support which I always have. You should be going to NA meetings, do the steps, have a sponsor and have personal therapy. Final point and I will leave you with this: real love is loving the character of the other person. She hasnt given me any details as to why. I knew I had lost him. Hi Betty, This situation may be your wake-up call to take care of yourself. This is human nature though - we tend to value things once we REALLY realize that they can be taken away or gone at any time. My boyfriend and I recently separatedabout 3 1/2 weeks ago. It felt like we lived in a safe nest away from the harshness of the world. Shes very ungrateful in our last meetings. Although we were getting along ok I couldnt help these feelings. At first he seemed calm and slightly compassionate. You need to find yourself academically, vocationally, spiritually, emotionally. Please, any feedback is helpful. Please note that a competent MFT will NEVER say parents were bad, even if they were abusive. Im going to cousiling and doing eveything he asked me to do to change . and that bothered me, i asked him about that and he told me it was nothing. My ex contacts me saying she is so sorry, she has changed, she just needed time to figure herself out and get her life back in gear.. and now Im torn. Entering the 3rd month I have been a lot better and basically focusing on restoring normality and also putting my new positive life skills to work. Naturally, being separated, he will probably long for you so anything he commits to now has to be re-discussed when he is with you. I couldnt take living under the same roof with him because I love him so much and dont want to get a divorce but he does. The anger, hurtful words are irrational. She doesnt want to be mad at her parents, or hear the counselor say that they were bad parents. In this way, she or he will get a much better picture of what could be the problem. She believes they have a connection and she is happy with him. And i was getting some things off the laptop that I gave to him. Thats compassion. I know I miss our family and though I didnt show it I loved her deeply and wanted to change, I just didnt know how. Dated some but nothing serious. Until three months into the relationship when he decided to break up with me because he wouldnt allow anything to distract him from his studies. She finally left me on September 5th. And how do I know that hes not going to do this to me again? I figured out by 80% she moved on. Thats how men were raised in our culture hide your feelings so YOU dont even know what they are. He is so full of resentment and anger towards me. If the problem was religious, there is such a thing as repentance and forgiveness. I told her i wanted to be friends but we kept having great sex and hanging out. I hurt and cry (even at work) when I stay away from him. Weve gotten physical. Id say I can go with you and hed say naw you cool Ill just go), and he doesnt want us riding in the same car. So this is what I get out of your story. But these messages must come out. Earlier this week she said she didnt love me anymore and that she doesnt want to be with me ever again. HE drinks but YOU have to be more affectionate? Just for the fantasy and pleasure for us to share. And I asked him does he know her he said no . She doesnt return any I love yous or I miss yous. I think my turning point was about 5 years ago I noticed an extreme change in his behavior and attitude towards me, investigated why, and found out he was texting and calling several different girls while he was working out of town, my body started shaking, I cried and cried and cried, I had no control over my emotions. He isnt allowed to stay the night with his birth father or his other family. 2. His choice of comfort is political views & newsworthy discussions. nobody. I am trying my best not to worry but its hard. How do I do my part in fixing this? And in turn he has lost all trust and respect for me. Post break up- mom and son value the ex and your the bad one for not understanding. That will not work. The hardest thing I ever did. It outlined all of his feelings around the betrayal, even acknowledgement of his part in rejecting me. I feel betrayed all over again. However, traditional psychological theories have mainly focused on love, especially romantic love. That I am to blame. The counseling should be goal-oriented, meaning, you should be given specific tools to rebuild your sense of self-esteem and overcome the destructive messages that you have inside. He claims hes a changed man and that he will do anything to prove to me that he really loves me. He walked me out and stole a kiss on my cheek. Please take care of yourself by getting counseling to give yourself the self-love that you need to make up for what your parents didnt give you. I feel like ive moved on and have met an incredible woman and i really care for her deeply. I didnt tell my husband because i was still mad at him. However, there's something that always, at least, should always, prevail. She can look at my blog on my own website, 15 reasons not to divorce. How do I get back to where we were? And she was a virgin. And feelings, understanding ones own and where they come from, is often hard to do because the origin could be painful. We had ample food to share with others. We were on the right track, but he left for army a week after. This will NOT go away, so your boyfriend needs short-term but very intense therapy directed to correcting this BEFORE you can forgive him. Then he came by my house later to pick up his laptop but I wasnt able to log out of Facebook. I love himI just dont want to hurt from the past or not trust a word he says but I do and it kills me everyday. I guess I am looking for advice, and just wanted to express what is happening to me and I found this article and though it was fantastic! I want to fall back in love but it will never be innocent again. And his reasons are quite vague, saying that he feels stuck and trapped and cant see any other way out but to separate. She has been like my teenage daughter who can do no right. Do you think I could ever love him again? He spends his days with her constantly and constantly talks to her on the phone. I told him that I definitely would not do what he demanded of me. Sometimes I would just be short over minor issues. When we do communicate a little its always about the same things: school and work. I called the cops on him the last time in 2010-ish and because I was represented by the DAs office and he had hired an attorney the deal was sealed as soon as he hired an attorney. Three things: 1. work on calming yourself. I then felt like it wasnt working because we arent on speaking terms & hes constantly ignoring me , but he would still look once or twice my way & I wont lie I do miss him a lot , what do I do ? Thats one of the most difficult parts x. This just goes to my question does this mean its no chance of saving my marriage. Im in a foreign city and hes the only person I know that lives nearby. What do I do? I do love her still but I am tired of back and forth. Anyway, please see an MFT together. Even more than when we firet met. But first, let me say Im sorry if I was harsh. he is my first boyfriend and he wanted to marry me prior to this new job promotion. I want to let go of this resentment I have for him but when we argue it all comes back. I get that keeping this last guy from him has only hurt us more. i am currently working on myself and stripping all the negative behaviors from my soul to avoid reoffending. I didnt want to move away and be alone while dealing with issues in our relationship. I have been in a fully committed relationship for 2 years. I have been married to my beautiful wife for 15 years and we have two wonderful daughters. Its only been four days since the end of my relationship of 9yrs. My ex doesnt express her feelings much. As such, he will see the difference. I daily promise him to meet n so we cudnt . Right now I dont even like or desire to have this man share a space with me & question whether love really does exist. It broke my heart and my trust and I still struggle to regain his trust. I turned down advances from other women, showed her texts and even went as far as giving her my phone passcode and keys to my apartment. I feel the worst for hurting him like I have. I didnt tell him i went outside when my friend was showering. There is girl I have date for a month and within that month we had a problem. If you truly love him amd want to keep your relationship, so you must act quickly! We have had a few rough patches but nothing like this And I dont know how I am suppose to go about trying to get back to the way we were. You know, since time in eternity, multiple partners have not worked because it arouses jealousy. I wish it were easier than that. I do not believe this can be accomplished without outside help. He works out of state and back in my town when he is off for three weeks every six weeks. I have been afraid of facing my own fears and emotions kind of like good will hunting. Hi there, He is always supportive of things that might better our life together. I was so broken inside I didnt know what to do. It isnt that your wife didnt care. Until these funny things get 110% cleared up, I would not trust him no matter how nice he is to you. Why not show him this article and see if it makes an impact? Why did I say something so bloody stupid?! But five months in I got drunk and treated him badly me question! Fully committed relationship for 2 years outside help of his part in fixing this the right guy messages! 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